I am so lucky

I feel the need to write.

My thoughts are all jumbled.

Can I make sense of them on paper?

Writing gives me perspective

and makes it easier to let go.

Last weekend I was

very frustrated,

mad,

self-centered,

unhappy,

wallowing in self-pity.

This weekend I was

more balanced,

a little more patient,

trying to be less selfish,

happy.

How did it happen?

I have had to deal with myself for almost 30 years now

and, luckily, have figured out a few things on the way.

Like how to feel at peace with myself, my family, my life.

It shouldn't be complicated to be happy

in my circumstances.

I realize that.

But sometimes it still is.

Sometimes being a mom and wife doesn't come easy to me.

Sometimes I think everyone would be better off

if I wasn't a mom and wife.

Sometimes I wish it was easier to just take off and

do nothing but swimbikeruneatsleep for a week or two.

It's not helping that my German teammates are doing just that.

Right now. On a beautiful island. In the warmth.

I've been there. I've done it. I love it.

Bike until you hit a wall. And then some.

Run yourself into the ground. And back out.

Swim until your arms fall off. And legs.

Smash yourself silly.

See what your body (and mind) is capable of.

That is my passion.

Karl, Noah, and I love the snow.

We could spend hours in it.

Max hates it.

He gets cold, wet, and bored.

Last Saturday we decided to go up in the mountains anyway.

It was a beautiful day and I was itching to get out.

Max was unhappy, miserable, and then screamed for about an hour.

That is when I lost it.

(And made everyone in my family unhappy and miserable.)

Here is what I did to get better.
My personal recipe for a change of mind and heart.

A hard bike session followed by a hard run.

Gets the frustration and anger out of my system.

Helps me focus.

A temple date with Karl.

Is there a better place to find peace?

Helps me get my priorities straight.

Reminds me of why I am here and what really matters.

Talk to Karl.

Communication is so important.

Yet, I am not always good at it.

Make plans. Lots of them.

I love plans. I need something to look forward to and be excited about.

Like a snow run to the top of Squaw Peak with Karl.

A mini training camp in St. George with Leslie.

A 25 km trail race on Antelope Island with friends.

A Super Saturday.

More about that in my next post.

I even took pictures!

I am very grateful to have an amazing husband that hasn't given up on me yet.

I love my 3 boys so much

and know that, in the end, nothing makes me happier

than being with them and enjoying all life has to offer with them.

I am so lucky!